Our family just returned from a weekend of celebrating my husband’s Grandmother’s 90th Birthday. I don’t know what you imagine when I say 90, but I can tell you right now your image is likely a far cry from Grandma! This woman makes 90 look like 75ish and she does it with grace, kindness, enthusiasm and authenticity.
I think when you are 90 years old, it might be difficult to gather a room of 100 people to celebrate with you. Not Grandma. The room was full of friends and family of all ages and stages and some had travelled quite a distance to be there. There were more friends than family even, which says a great deal more at the age of 90; some friends she has known for more than 70 years. Many of those friends are her neighbours in her condo building that see her almost daily and make sure her social schedule is chalked full. This includes trips to other cities to watch curling or play in bridge tournaments. Grandma calls me to complain she does not have time to read a book these days, she is so busy, and loving it.
Every person could share time when Grandma had befriended them and she performed many acts of service for them. She loves to cook and host others in her lovely, outgoing and social nature. Always ready to give and lend a hand or lighten a load with her hands, even with her humour and loving spirit she breaths life into others.
The air this past weekend was steeped with legacy for me. I found the definition of legacy interesting – anything handed down from the past, but its synonym even more fascinating – inheritance. In the large room full of people wanting to celebrate an incredible woman, still going strong, what is she handing down and leaving as an inheritance? I have never seen inheritance this way before yet it seems a greater gift now than piles of money.
Perhaps it is the gift and rewards of years of commitment to relationship. Not just friendship or great family bonds, but even more encompassing is her gift in relationship. That is what I saw in that room full of people honouring another, one they call friend.
Medical studies are showing it is the quality of our relationships that can determine our longevity more than any other factor. The hormone Oxytocin mixed with Estrogen in women experiencing strong relational connection is actually an elixir or concoction for happiness and healing.
As I mull over this past weekend, having seen what is possible at 90 and beyond, what is my legacy? I plan to be as healthy and happy as Grandma is at 90 and maybe more with our generation of health care. But what will I be leaving? Am I sewing into my relationships and breathing life into people, or am I too busy and full of complaints? Which would I want my children to inherit?
As much as I believe in that future for myself, all I have is right now, this moment. So what am I doing today that is going to make that future possible? This past weekend celebration really has me looking more closely at where I spend my time and therefore the reflection of my priorities. I want to get ahead and make it big in this world, but none of that matters or is possible without relationship. Are my children going to grow up knowing they mattered most or that their mom put work and business first? Maybe we are not measuring “getting ahead” in the correct parameters at all.
What do you want your legacy in this world to be? Imagine your 90th birthday party and what it will be like, who will be there. What are they saying about you that mattered most to them, touched them? Now rewind back to the now. What will you do to create your legacy today? How will the inheritance you create be made richer today?
Thank you Grandma for the inspiration of a life well lived! I relish your legacy and the inheritance you are already sharing with me. I am looking forward to the celebration of your 100th birthday!
Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”