Two minutes for you to read and reflect

After my last month of experiencing an unsustainable pace and the subsequent crash, I have been curious what viruses my mind is holding on to that got me there.

As I mentioned in my last post, there is that recurring belief that I must be all things to all people to be loved. This includes being a full Yes person, having no personal boundaries around time or relationships, and generally putting myself at the bottom of my list. I have tackled this belief before with the assistance of my coach and thought I did the work, and yet here it is again. When push came to shove, that destructive belief won over. I am working with my coach again to conquer this one and excited about what the change will bring.

My husband and I did a cleanse in April and I really enjoyed it. We basically ate no processed food (including all the sugars) with little dairy, no alcohol or vinegar and lean meats. Now, I am sauce person and I celebrate that part of me. My friends know it as well and always serve me extra sauce with any meal. Sounds fun and not hurting anyone, right? Another virus appeared. I saw how I used sauce to smother my food with all the processed flavor. I began to see a metaphor for how I was unwilling to see truth in me, so I was covering it something that looked and tasted better (staying really busy to avoid me). After three weeks of eating mostly all natural food, I feel great and have lost weight just from the lack of processed sugars and salt on top of my food.

Through this I also noticed how much my inner child was using processed sugar for a hit of love. Yes, the old adage of food = love was still going on in my unconscious. Even now, when I feel tired and my inner child wants to rest or take a break I notice I crave sugar. I am using this ‘red flag’ as a way of rewiring my communication with my body. Instead of having it need sugar, what if the message I heard was ‘take a break’ or ‘have some fun’. Even then, that is only half the battle. I think there was a time that my brain heard those messages from my body, but I did not listen and act on them for so long that my body started to get what it needed in other and less constructive ways.

I have felt captive by food for most of my life. Even now when there are left over potato chips in the house from birthday parties I got my husband to through them out because I was eating a small bowl every day! A treat is fine, but I was feeling worse and worse every day. The message I kept giving my body was that food, junk food to be exact, was the only way to reward it for a job well done. Or even just to cope through tough and tiring days.

I am not saying that potato chips in moderation are bad. Given what I was realizing in my belief system, I needed to go back to having none to really change the neuro pathway around rewards and listening to my body.

My computer hardware analogy seems all to appropriate for me as I also just switched from a PC to a MAC last week. I am learning a new operating system, undoing many of the old ways. Funny isn’t it, that MAC holds about 5% of the market share but many people say it is much better? Well, I would rather take the road less travelled if there are greater risks and riches along the way. And, as fewer people in life also take that path, many will say I am crazy and should have stayed with the masses.

There are more mind viruses that I know of and even more that I don’t. The key is staying curious in finding those mind viruses and getting the support I need to make the changes, even it is means an entirely new operating system.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
aly@alypain.com | www.alypain.com | p. 403-246-2399 | f. 403-263-8790
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

I’m back!! I have been gone from my blog for a while in a self-induced work comma. I got so busy in the business of doing business that I lost myself and literally could not put two thoughts together in a sentence, let alone cook or handle the house. In all that came the negative self-talk about how I could not possibly write a blog about being a messy, broken person with faults and flaws. Oh no, that is not inspiring at all! Maybe not, but it is real life.

I had lost sight and gotten out of touch, and feel, with my vision. People cannot fully live without a vision. You know, that fire in your spirit that has you operate in laser-like focus on a single intention and not take No for answer? The feeling that is similar to infatuation where you seem to be able to go long periods without food or sleep? That vision.

I got way to caught up in the small things and created a bit of a monster for myself. Apparently it was an unsustainable monster where I crashed after trying to tame it and control it. I see how I was letting everything run me and once again forgot the key piece about creating a vision, I am at choice. I choose where to spend my time and on what. I am feeling much better now and back in the saddle making some changes.

I now hold a vision for each day and set intentions rather than have a list and hope it all gets done. Or worse yet, have an inflexible plan so that if life derails my plan, I am grumpy for days. I am prioritizing and setting better boundaries around the ever-intrusive e-mails. All this is part of holding my greater, life-long vision - one of being a sought after relationship coach/expert, author and public speaker.

Visions die with out people. My vision was dying because I lost track of it somewhere in the pile of paper in my office. Despite having my vision board in plain view, that was not enough. I am visual, imagination person. I need to close my eyes and visualize it all in 3D to have it feel real to me. That is how I hold my vision and I will do it daily now. What method works best for you?

What vision are you a part of that needs you, is calling you to help it live? Vision is vital. It is the spice of life. What do you need to do get in touch with your vision for your life? Now is the time, so get on it! This is not about doing more; it is about being excited and intentional about what you are doing. Every great thing was accomplished one step at a time. If a leap feels overwhelming, either get support or choose to take a small step.

Vision is vital for life. People die with out a vision, and vision die with out people.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
403-246-2399 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com

Our family just returned from a weekend of celebrating my husband’s Grandmother’s 90th Birthday. I don’t know what you imagine when I say 90, but I can tell you right now your image is likely a far cry from Grandma! This woman makes 90 look like 75ish and she does it with grace, kindness, enthusiasm and authenticity.

I think when you are 90 years old, it might be difficult to gather a room of 100 people to celebrate with you. Not Grandma. The room was full of friends and family of all ages and stages and some had travelled quite a distance to be there. There were more friends than family even, which says a great deal more at the age of 90; some friends she has known for more than 70 years. Many of those friends are her neighbours in her condo building that see her almost daily and make sure her social schedule is chalked full. This includes trips to other cities to watch curling or play in bridge tournaments. Grandma calls me to complain she does not have time to read a book these days, she is so busy, and loving it.

Every person could share time when Grandma had befriended them and she performed many acts of service for them. She loves to cook and host others in her lovely, outgoing and social nature. Always ready to give and lend a hand or lighten a load with her hands, even with her humour and loving spirit she breaths life into others.

The air this past weekend was steeped with legacy for me. I found the definition of legacy interesting – anything handed down from the past, but its synonym even more fascinating – inheritance. In the large room full of people wanting to celebrate an incredible woman, still going strong, what is she handing down and leaving as an inheritance? I have never seen inheritance this way before yet it seems a greater gift now than piles of money.

Perhaps it is the gift and rewards of years of commitment to relationship. Not just friendship or great family bonds, but even more encompassing is her gift in relationship. That is what I saw in that room full of people honouring another, one they call friend.

Medical studies are showing it is the quality of our relationships that can determine our longevity more than any other factor. The hormone Oxytocin mixed with Estrogen in women experiencing strong relational connection is actually an elixir or concoction for happiness and healing.

As I mull over this past weekend, having seen what is possible at 90 and beyond, what is my legacy? I plan to be as healthy and happy as Grandma is at 90 and maybe more with our generation of health care. But what will I be leaving? Am I sewing into my relationships and breathing life into people, or am I too busy and full of complaints? Which would I want my children to inherit?

As much as I believe in that future for myself, all I have is right now, this moment. So what am I doing today that is going to make that future possible? This past weekend celebration really has me looking more closely at where I spend my time and therefore the reflection of my priorities. I want to get ahead and make it big in this world, but none of that matters or is possible without relationship. Are my children going to grow up knowing they mattered most or that their mom put work and business first? Maybe we are not measuring “getting ahead” in the correct parameters at all.

What do you want your legacy in this world to be? Imagine your 90th birthday party and what it will be like, who will be there. What are they saying about you that mattered most to them, touched them? Now rewind back to the now. What will you do to create your legacy today? How will the inheritance you create be made richer today?

Thank you Grandma for the inspiration of a life well lived! I relish your legacy and the inheritance you are already sharing with me. I am looking forward to the celebration of your 100th birthday!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”