Those are the words I wrote last night after returning from an amazing Coaching Conference in Banff over the weekend. I had the opportunity to Emcee the event for the second time and be a breakout session presenter. The energy of 65 Coaches gathered together with a common intent of learning, growing and uncovering ourselves to better serve the world is electric. I feed on that energy and can feel the sparks igniting me from within when I step up to the microphone to begin the next session.

So as I begin my week from my office here in my home, I am asking myself the question of “How will I integrate that glowing galaxy with my current reality of this little world?” I can hear the Coach in me reply, “Life is not an event, Aly; it is a process”. And that is what Coaches do. We help others (and ourselves ☺) take a life event, regardless of what that might be, and create an integration process for long-term sustainability.

But what if the two pieces being integrated feel like they clash or are worlds apart? Patience. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. I have made myself a list of action steps that will lock in what I experienced over the weekend and begin to create the change that I am so hungry for. This list will not all get accomplished today or maybe this week. Each step has smaller steps within it. But I am focused on that list and have already taken some of the steps, including setting up some accountability around getting it done (another great reason for a coach!).

I think this is where many people get stuck with the ‘all or nothing’ game and forget to invite the possibility of ‘And’. I love my children, my husband, our home and community. Those are parts of my life that keep me anchored and richly fill me. I do not need to see this as choosing one or the other or worse yet, that one is stopping me from experiencing the other.

Integration, by definition, means addition - not subtraction. The Art of Integration is to go forward in the process with patience, focus and flexibility. The process may not always look right or feel comfortable. The How may change along the way and so might the What. Regardless, every step forward is another closer to the ‘me’ the world is waiting for me to become.

As I mentioned in my last post, there is that recurring belief that I must be all things to all people to be loved. This includes being a full Yes person, having no personal boundaries around time or relationships, and generally putting myself at the bottom of my list. I have tackled this belief before with the assistance of my coach and thought I did the work, and yet here it is again. When push came to shove, that destructive belief won over. I am working with my coach again to conquer this one and excited about what the change will bring.

My husband and I did a cleanse in April and I really enjoyed it. We basically ate no processed food (including all the sugars) with little dairy, no alcohol or vinegar and lean meats. Now, I am sauce person and I celebrate that part of me. My friends know it as well and always serve me extra sauce with any meal. Sounds fun and not hurting anyone, right? Another virus appeared. I saw how I used sauce to smother my food with all the processed flavor. I began to see a metaphor for how I was unwilling to see truth in me, so I was covering it something that looked and tasted better (staying really busy to avoid me). After three weeks of eating mostly all natural food, I feel great and have lost weight just from the lack of processed sugars and salt on top of my food.

Through this I also noticed how much my inner child was using processed sugar for a hit of love. Yes, the old adage of food = love was still going on in my unconscious. Even now, when I feel tired and my inner child wants to rest or take a break I notice I crave sugar. I am using this ‘red flag’ as a way of rewiring my communication with my body. Instead of having it need sugar, what if the message I heard was ‘take a break’ or ‘have some fun’. Even then, that is only half the battle. I think there was a time that my brain heard those messages from my body, but I did not listen and act on them for so long that my body started to get what it needed in other and less constructive ways.

I have felt captive by food for most of my life. Even now when there are left over potato chips in the house from birthday parties I got my husband to through them out because I was eating a small bowl every day! A treat is fine, but I was feeling worse and worse every day. The message I kept giving my body was that food, junk food to be exact, was the only way to reward it for a job well done. Or even just to cope through tough and tiring days.

I am not saying that potato chips in moderation are bad. Given what I was realizing in my belief system, I needed to go back to having none to really change the neuro pathway around rewards and listening to my body.

My computer hardware analogy seems all to appropriate for me as I also just switched from a PC to a MAC last week. I am learning a new operating system, undoing many of the old ways. Funny isn’t it, that MAC holds about 5% of the market share but many people say it is much better? Well, I would rather take the road less travelled if there are greater risks and riches along the way. And, as fewer people in life also take that path, many will say I am crazy and should have stayed with the masses.

There are more mind viruses that I know of and even more that I don’t. The key is staying curious in finding those mind viruses and getting the support I need to make the changes, even it is means an entirely new operating system.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
aly@alypain.com | www.alypain.com | p. 403-246-2399 | f. 403-263-8790
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

I had lost sight and gotten out of touch, and feel, with my vision. People cannot fully live without a vision. You know, that fire in your spirit that has you operate in laser-like focus on a single intention and not take No for answer? The feeling that is similar to infatuation where you seem to be able to go long periods without food or sleep? That vision.

I got way to caught up in the small things and created a bit of a monster for myself. Apparently it was an unsustainable monster where I crashed after trying to tame it and control it. I see how I was letting everything run me and once again forgot the key piece about creating a vision, I am at choice. I choose where to spend my time and on what. I am feeling much better now and back in the saddle making some changes.

I now hold a vision for each day and set intentions rather than have a list and hope it all gets done. Or worse yet, have an inflexible plan so that if life derails my plan, I am grumpy for days. I am prioritizing and setting better boundaries around the ever-intrusive e-mails. All this is part of holding my greater, life-long vision - one of being a sought after relationship coach/expert, author and public speaker.

Visions die with out people. My vision was dying because I lost track of it somewhere in the pile of paper in my office. Despite having my vision board in plain view, that was not enough. I am visual, imagination person. I need to close my eyes and visualize it all in 3D to have it feel real to me. That is how I hold my vision and I will do it daily now. What method works best for you?

What vision are you a part of that needs you, is calling you to help it live? Vision is vital. It is the spice of life. What do you need to do get in touch with your vision for your life? Now is the time, so get on it! This is not about doing more; it is about being excited and intentional about what you are doing. Every great thing was accomplished one step at a time. If a leap feels overwhelming, either get support or choose to take a small step.

Vision is vital for life. People die with out a vision, and vision die with out people.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching
403-246-2399 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com

I think when you are 90 years old, it might be difficult to gather a room of 100 people to celebrate with you. Not Grandma. The room was full of friends and family of all ages and stages and some had travelled quite a distance to be there. There were more friends than family even, which says a great deal more at the age of 90; some friends she has known for more than 70 years. Many of those friends are her neighbours in her condo building that see her almost daily and make sure her social schedule is chalked full. This includes trips to other cities to watch curling or play in bridge tournaments. Grandma calls me to complain she does not have time to read a book these days, she is so busy, and loving it.

Every person could share time when Grandma had befriended them and she performed many acts of service for them. She loves to cook and host others in her lovely, outgoing and social nature. Always ready to give and lend a hand or lighten a load with her hands, even with her humour and loving spirit she breaths life into others.

The air this past weekend was steeped with legacy for me. I found the definition of legacy interesting – anything handed down from the past, but its synonym even more fascinating – inheritance. In the large room full of people wanting to celebrate an incredible woman, still going strong, what is she handing down and leaving as an inheritance? I have never seen inheritance this way before yet it seems a greater gift now than piles of money.

Perhaps it is the gift and rewards of years of commitment to relationship. Not just friendship or great family bonds, but even more encompassing is her gift in relationship. That is what I saw in that room full of people honouring another, one they call friend.

Medical studies are showing it is the quality of our relationships that can determine our longevity more than any other factor. The hormone Oxytocin mixed with Estrogen in women experiencing strong relational connection is actually an elixir or concoction for happiness and healing.

As I mull over this past weekend, having seen what is possible at 90 and beyond, what is my legacy? I plan to be as healthy and happy as Grandma is at 90 and maybe more with our generation of health care. But what will I be leaving? Am I sewing into my relationships and breathing life into people, or am I too busy and full of complaints? Which would I want my children to inherit?

As much as I believe in that future for myself, all I have is right now, this moment. So what am I doing today that is going to make that future possible? This past weekend celebration really has me looking more closely at where I spend my time and therefore the reflection of my priorities. I want to get ahead and make it big in this world, but none of that matters or is possible without relationship. Are my children going to grow up knowing they mattered most or that their mom put work and business first? Maybe we are not measuring “getting ahead” in the correct parameters at all.

What do you want your legacy in this world to be? Imagine your 90th birthday party and what it will be like, who will be there. What are they saying about you that mattered most to them, touched them? Now rewind back to the now. What will you do to create your legacy today? How will the inheritance you create be made richer today?

Thank you Grandma for the inspiration of a life well lived! I relish your legacy and the inheritance you are already sharing with me. I am looking forward to the celebration of your 100th birthday!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

For many years my husband Jeff and I have felt challenged to live on the monetary income we receive from his Olympic athletic endeavors. Athletes in Canada do not live richly from large corporate sponsors unless they are one of a handful in well supported and high profile sports. We have spent years trying to create buy-in for companies to support Jeff in his cause and in doing so, help our family pay for just the day to day expenses. Jeff is one of very few senior athletes in Canada that is also married with children, putting us in a category that some funds and sponsors do not like. We don’t fit the young, single and easy-to-put-a-number-on athlete of the majority and have had funding declined because of that. We used to feel sorry for ourselves and hard done by because of our financial situation. Many people shared in the sympathy and we felt quite right about how hard it was.

In today’s very uncertain economy, we have never felt so lucky to be an athlete in Canada. In offices where the lay offs are happening daily and pink slips are becoming in fashion, we are in a career where that does not happen. Jeff will not be ‘laid off’ the team, get blind-sided by a pink slip or have to clear his desk and leave the building. Our income may not be rising with inflation, nor did it a few years ago in the boom, but it is still coming in and that is great! Better yet, we have had years of advance notice as to the pink slip arrival and plenty of time to make a plan to transition. We began the one year countdown on February 19th at 8pm. Fourteen years down and now less than one to go!

So, in the years of complaining about the financial hardships of choosing to be an elite Athlete in Canada, to having a recession proof career in a tough economy, I quote the words of Timothy Freke. “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC

InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist

Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire

ph. 403-246-2399 | fx. 403-263-8790 | www.alypain.com | aly@alypain.com

I have been searching the internet for studies on the Power of Prayer. It seems there are many sighted in the Washington Post and New York Times that both prove the power of prayer and have equal numbers of skeptics. These studies vary in detail from people being prayed for, and knowing about it, by someone in the same place, to distance prayer where the prayee has no idea and the prayer is half a world away. It seems in most all the studies there was a positive difference in the group that was prayed for, whether local or distant, compared to the group without prayer.

The skeptics say there are far too many variables left out and therefore the studies are invalid. They also say we are wasting government money on accompaniments to medicine through religious practice rather than looking directly for more medical advances. Christian leaders, in response to these alligations of failed studies, say that trying to limit something as awesome and powerful as God with science is pointless seeing that God is not bound by the laws of science.

I am personally saying that prayer works. I have not only had tangible proof of this in my life, but in the life of my son this weekend. My son had a basic flu virus for seven days. He recovered on day eight and went back to his usual routine. On day twelve, he found a huge hematoma on his hip. Within 24 hours he was covered in bruises and we took him to the Children’s hospital. The doctors found his blood platelet count, normally 150 to 400, to be a very low 1 with elevated white blood cell count. He was diagnosed with ITP and they quickly took a CT scan of his brain (he had severe headaches that night) and a bone marrow test that both came back normal. Then came the IV treatment to get his antibodies under control and help raise is platelet count. Within 30 hours his count was up to 25 and we were released. Another two days later he was up and around and eating well.

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/Itp/ITP_WhatIs.html

During all of that hospital time, we were Blessed by having our church congregation praying for us. We have no idea of the exact number of people but it was over 100 and they were praying specifically for our son’s platelet count to rise. If you had seen the state of my son’s body when we arrived and then to be on the mend and released just 38 hours later, sooner than expected, you may also believe in the Power of Prayer. You might also say that result could have happened without prayer and I would agree. However, if I were given the choice of leaving things up to chance or having the big guy’s hand on this, I choose door number 2.

Today we had my son’s blood platelet levels tested and they came back with a whoping 230!! That is the power of prayer and miracles right there. Yes, for those of you medical folks, this can be a false high due to the medication he received so we will be getting tested again in three weeks after it wears off. I have no doubt that the levels will remain above 150, the minimum number.

Prayer works. I believe that and it works for me. All the studies did show some correlation with prayer and health regardless of what controls were used. So, if you were given the choice in a place of need of prayer or not, what would you choose? Seems interesting to me that in most cases of dire circumstance, even the most firm unbeliever will raise his eyes to the heavens and begin to pray. Is it a learned response, or are we simply looking up and returning to the one who created us in the first place? You decide for yourself but my mind is already made up.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

I have written a few times before that my husband, Jeff, is away for most of the winter competing on the Skeleton World Cup circuit. That leaves our two boys and me at home to run the regular and sometimes mundane routine of this life. I think this past 8 years has been the most challenging and rewarding for me, and I can measure it with sickness and health.

I am an extreme extrovert and need other adults around often to feel balanced. When my children are at school in recent years, I experience a high ‘do or die’ need for freedom, so being alone in those times is fine with me. This is how I function best, being with other adults or alone with no children and in my freedom.

There were many years where I was not as clear on these two things. Fortunately, I live in the most amazing community where there were a few other new mothers that were looking for connection. The four (and sometimes more) of us were at each other’s home for play dates a few times through out the week plus some trips to the neighbourhood park. Those times kept me going more than I knew and I felt like I had the patience of Job, a Hercules Heart, and the parenting brain of Barbara Coloroso.

Then, there were all the minutes, hours and days I spent with our boys in our home or doing other activities with no other adult. In those times I have never felt so alone and isolated. Hard to believe that at a Zoo, crawling with people, I would feel alone and isolated. Inside my head everything would go numb after a while, like trying hear clearly with plugged ears. My heart would go into coping mode and start to shut down as well. I felt hopeless and, despite having more energy than the Energizer Bunny, I felt constantly fatigued as if no amount of rest and sleep would do. Sounds like depression, doesn’t it? Well, that is not far from wrong.

When my husband would leave, and sometimes before he would leave, I would get sick. I don’t mean just a little cold, I mean major sinus infections and strep throat. One year I had Strep three times in four months. Our boys were relatively healthy and would get sick a normal amount for little ones. I would be calling friends to come and help me with the boys some days because I just could not get off the couch I felt so awful. These were long and not very fun years of feeling abandoned, resentful and very much in victim.

I am so grateful for the knowledge, love and acceptance of who I am now such that I have set my life up around this. I know that I need people and freedom to stay at the top of my game. I know that we are a strong family regardless of where we are geographically. I know that I can create the life that I want to feel fulfilled and I will be healthier and happier. I know that is what our boys want, not a depressed and victim mom, even if it means I need to get a sitter once a week. I know that the path Jeff and I are on is very specific for us and we are being called up to much more. This refinement by fire has been needed to learn what we have learned about ourselves and our relationship, and it is so much better than it has ever been! I love my life and my marriage (going on thirteen years!). I still feel very sad about Jeff being away so much and I am gifted to have an end date of February 19th, 2010.

Today I am celebrating having a cold for the first time in about six months! This is HUGE measurement of how far I have come in my journey. Many times a measure of success or forward movement is not about monetary means. It can be a subtle mental or physical change you notice. Regardless, it is reason to celebrate so I am sharing this with you and having lunch with a friend.

Beyond money, what would a measure of success be for you? How would you know when things are changing? What would it feel like? Finding the answers to these questions is what I do with my clients every day in supporting them to create and live the life they feel most fulfilled by. Let me know when it is your turn!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

My husband is away a great deal in the winter time. This means I am seasonally the mom and the dad and house keeper and all the rest, along with Coach and business woman. Sounds a bit vitimy already doesn’t it? I know, and I hate it. So, I have been feeling really frustrated about how I am supposed to get everything done and not go crazy or get really sick because of not sleeping.

I know I spend too much time on e-mail. I have this perception that it is like a face-to-face conversation and when you send me a message, it is rude not to reply. I like that about me, but it is not serving me to stay in that context. I need to prioritize messages and only respond to those needing immediate attention on really busy days. If I get time to respond to the others great. But if after one week I have not responded, delete it and move on. I am truly shocked at the amount of emotional energy I give to my inbox.

Then there are times where my kids are home sick. The beauty of my business is that I can work from home on the phone and coach my clients that way. My kids are well aware that they can not interrupt me while I am on the phone. However, after a week of having sick kids I look around the house and see a disaster area and feel totally overwhelmed. Then my energy goes down and I start into destructive behaviours like carb binging and not sleeping enough, which I am sure you can see turns into a vicious cycle.

So maybe I can HAVE it all without needing to DO it all. I think outsourcing is a great idea at this stage for at least the house cleaning. Wow, just writing that statement my saboteurs are having a hay day about how lazy I am and incompetent about keeping a house. My mother made our house look like no one lived there, what is my problem? Well, my mother did not run a business as well and was a bit of a slave to the cleaning, neither of which I am aiming for. Pause….. OK, I have made that call to begin next Tuesday.

Saying No is a big part of what I need to do more of. When I think about what brings me the most joy in my business, I think of coaching my clients, speaking and writing my book. So, how exactly will I trim the other things out and do just that? Well, I am not sure but I do know having the awareness gives me a head start. I did some “NO”s this fall around positions I was offered to fill and that felt great. Since then, I have said yes to some things that were not in alignment with my top three activities. Pause….. OK, I have sent that e-mail.

What do you need to say No to in order to say Yes to the you that is, or is trying to emerge? What stops you from saying NO (or has you saying YES first!)? What might be possible if you said No to the things that were not at the top of your list (or outsourced them)?

I use the ‘what is, is’ policy to help me. Jeff is away for most of the winter for one more year. In that time I will be growing my business and honouring myself in doing so. I also have two amazing boys in my care that need my time and attention before and after school, as well as when they are home sick. Given those things that I hold as true, now what?

I am only taking on more relationship clients and limiting my total numbers. This is honouring the niche I feel so called to and making the time to sink into that. I will change my signature to read only Relationship and Team Coach Specialist. Pause……done.

I am feeling better already. I am still standing in inquiry and awareness; a place of child-like discovery where everything is assumed to be new. There is more here, but that will wait until next time.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
“Success is not external shining in; it’s internal radiating out”

CBC did a study last year on How to Be Happy www.cbc.ca/doczone/howtobehappy/study.html. As much as there were many interesting facts, like Canada ranks third for overall wellness, there was one glaring point that stood out for me.

Over the last 50 years our wealth has increased three times. That is a staggering amount in a very short period of time if you think about it. The very sad fact that coincides with this information is that over that same 50 year period our overall happiness has not increased at all. Zip, Zilch, nadda, zero, not one bit. How is that possible?

Well, I think that 50 years ago living was very challenging as most people did not have enough money to even provide the basic living needs (survival needs) for themselves or their families. So, it is usually what we are missing that covet. I am quite sure that most everyone thought they would be happier with more money and that was likely very true. I see the strong correlation between money and happiness at that level and in that time.

But where are we now? We got past needing to provide for our basic needs and that felt really good. Well then, more money must bring more happiness right? Wrong. As soon as we passed the threshold of basic living, money ceases to be a sustainable source for happiness. Sure, money can provide certain luxuries and pay for some really fun vacations with great memories. But money will never be the unending fountain of happiness like we thought.

As the study says, we get used to what we have and then want more. Like an appetite that is insatiable it is eating our spirits alive. We are left feeling empty and lonely, depressed and angry with the life we thought would fill us. When will we finally understand we are looking in the wrong place?

The study also points out the importance of relationships. I agree that it is the value of our relationships, not necessarily the quantity, that will sustain us and be source of joy and happiness for a very long time (yes, all relationships require work too). I still think they are missing one point. My relationship with myself. This is the one that is truly never ending and can be a source of happiness beyond any other.

I am not saying we need to love ourselves and become narcissistic. I am saying that learning to love and know myself is all I need to be happy. When I know what experiences bring me joy and the most constructive ways to create those experiences, there is no end to the level of happiness in my life. Having this information is like having an eternal, internal compass that directs my every action and choice. This is what I look to for relationship help as well. Am I experiencing what I need to to feel happy? If not, how will I creatively (not though manipulation) negotiate those things into the relationship. I am hoping the other party(ies) would also want to negotiate what works for them.

Money is great, yes. But just like anything else, if we continue to think the source lies outside of ourselves, we are not heading down a good path. Can you imagine if in the next 50 years our wealth increases 5 times and we are still no happier?? Not if I have my way about it. It is one of the greatest reasons I am a Coach. What lies inside of each one of us is not only necessary for the longevity and prosperity of the world, but it is the key to our very own happiness.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching

Let’s start by defining intent. By dictionary it is a purpose; the state of a person’s mind that directs his or her actions. We all have intent behind everything we do, whether it is conscious or unconscious. From the simple things like brushing my teeth for good breath and oral hygiene to recycling to keep the planet clean for future generations to enjoy. Examples of the unconscious intentions are harder to find in the moment because of exactly that, they are unconscious. Unfortunately, it is usually when I become aware of the impact that I realize my unconscious intentions.

What about impact? By definition this means to influence, affect or alter something. We are always creating impact in this world and in our relationships. It is only by our own perceptions that we deem an impact to be positive or negative. As Dr. Phil says, there is no fence sitting; you are either contributing or detracting from a relationship. Even if I sit as still as possible I have an impact by consuming oxygen around me and possibly giving off heat or absorbing it.

Have you ever felt hurt in a relationship and when you shared that feeling, the other person says, “But that was not my intent!” Well, I highly doubt that most people’s intention is to hurt any other person. Yet just by the fact that you were feeling hurt, there was an impact. By the same token, there is never an impact on anything without having an intention behind the action that created it.

There seem to be relationships where there is only room to see the intent and actual impact is ignored or overlooked. Sort of like I am not willing to see what I do, I just want to look at how I felt when I did it. Can you imagine if that is way our world operated??! Only looking at why we do things and never at what we are creating (well, this is actually happening, but anyway)? Now, it is important to see and know the intent and weigh it separate to the impact for at least a moment, specifically if the intent and impact seem diametrically opposed. Not that that has ever happened to any of you ;). An extreme example of this would be an abusive relationship. The abuser will always say they never meant to harm, yet they are never willing to be accountable for the impact.

There are relationships that only want to take into account the impact and miss the intent. This would be like being guilty before proven innocent (hmm, also happening in the world). Can you imagine using this mentality on a child? Focusing only on the impact they created and never allowing them the space to speak, or be curious about their intent? We would have an entire generation of kids living in a decade of ‘time-out’! The impact might not have been great, but we can never negate the intent behind it.

Let’s take the above discussion further into relationships. If I always have an intention for all of my actions, which I do, and every one of those creates an impact, which is does, then what? Well, why not get as clear and conscious about my intentions as possible so to create as much positive impact as possible? And even if my impact does not match my intent, what about being accountable regardless?

This post is about bringing exquisite consciousness to relationship along with accountability. Intent and impact will always live together so we may as well get over it and get on with it. What would be possible for you in 2009 if you had a conscious state of mind that directed you to positively affect or influence your relationships? I believe it is just that that will change the world and it can begin with you.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching