A Fresh Look at Issue Resolution

Written by Aly Pain

Well, it's February and we are in the "month of Love". For some of you that may evoke a painful groan and a rolling of the eyes and for others it might look like a blushing smile from ear to ear and a long, thoughtful sigh. Either way, I think there is always room for more "amour" in our hearts. I am not just talking about love for your life; I also mean love for each other and all that is possible.

I will bet you all my money (don't tell Jeff) you are currently in at least one relationship. What is the first relationship that came to mind when you read the last sentence? Why not begin there. Is there any scrubbing or tidying that relationship wants to allow more Love to be present?

This exercise is called Relationship Alignment. In order for it to work, two things are required. Step 1) both parties are willing to resolve the issue without blame and step 2) both parties need to clearly express why resolving this issue is important to them. This takes a very different view of issue resolution as opposed to the autopilot version where I vent "at" you about how you are not being the way I want you to be and visa versa. God speaks to us about that in Matthew 7:1-5.

Both parties come together with at least the two basics mentioned above. Sit together, but do not face each other. Instead, have your chairs about a few feet apart facing in the same direction. This really takes away the notion of pointing all the problems at the other person. Now take a few minutes each and go through step one and two. Have you found any common ground as to why this might be worth it? If not, dig a little deeper.

Here is an example. If you and your spouse are not on the same page for child discipline, I am sure you both want the best for the children.
Or
If a boyfriend has come between you and your best friend, I am sure you both still want the relationship; it just might look different now.

Once you have that, move your chairs together, still facing the same direction, and put something (a prop, anything really) out in front of you. That something is now the issue. It is not between you, it is in front you and you are going to act as a team to resolve it. How does the issue currently feel? Does it have a name? How are you willing to deal with this in the future? Tell the other person what you are willing to do and be in the future for the better of this relationship. This is a great place to remember your new common ground and work from there.

In working on the issue as a team, you are taking the relationship to some higher ground and avoiding the finger pointing that creates even more issues. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, God is reminding us to stay strong in relationship and we will find strength and comfort there. God took great care in creating us and the amazing world we live in. Not only that, He gave us the gift of the Bible that we would have detailed examples and teachings of how to live in relationship. What if we took as much time and thought as He did to consciously set up our relationships? Well, it's never too late to start!

"A Relationship is only as strong as the members are willing to be vulnerable."